When Will You Die?

People have been taking the Facebook "when will you die" quiz and the results would show when and how they will die, obviously morbid and not my cup of tea. I never wanted to know when I will die as I have this belief of planning for the future, learning from the past and living in the present. However, I have gotten myself into a situation wherein it appears that an eminent death to this special situation is prevalent and this consideration was made in respect to the other party.

Since this started, I have been trying to live life to the fullest and making the most of what life has to offer for me for this circumstance. I suppose loving so much, feeling and knowing it will probably end soon at the other party's signal is tantamount to knowing when I will die. I want to be able to show so much of my love in every waking moment and signify that I do mean it for fear that I won’t be able to show and say it anymore when that time comes because I know I will no longer have the right to do so. I keep on hoping that it will last for as long as it could but we all know we can’t dictate the heart of another person. We all know that a couple’s dance isn’t as graceful and as beautiful if both do not synchronize their steps in unison to the music.

I guess with this, I can attest to the fact that it is better to have loved someone so much, no matter how short-lived it may have been rather than be with someone for the longest time and know that love is no longer present.

Yet again, I have to say, one of life’s greatest paradoxes is loving so much and letting go. Letting go doesn’t necessarily mean you have stopped loving, it just means you have stepped aside to let the other grow, no matter how painful it may be.

In The Fell Clutch of Circumstance..

Oftentimes, we find ourselves in a state where our tenacity and mettle is tested. We can either break down or step back and look at the circumstance in a better perspective to find a better way of getting over the hurts and hurdles.

Recently, I’ve had friends who underwent such a state in their lives and I’ve seen how they have weathered through the storm. I’ve seen how they could have almost succumbed to the pain but they rose above it and used the pain to fuel them to realize that there are bigger things in life and that they can get past the fiercest struggle in the most dignified way. It’s from these people around me that I draw my strength from. They have shown to me that battles are fought, we may get scathed and scarred but we can certainly triumph over any physical and emotional pain with faith and by loving the people that surround us. Battle scars are meant to be there to remind us that we have fought, might have lost or won, but we are still alive to live another day to appreciate life more with the people that we love and loves us.

I’d like to share one of my favorite poems with you, one I have learned and memorized by heart since I was young and I’d like to dedicate this to those who remind me to be strong. You know very well who you are.

Invictus
by William Ernest Henley; 1849-1903

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate;
I am the captain of my soul.

Rescuers Down Under

Somehow this movie title has a new meaning for me. hehehehe. Diba D? Diba Jo? hahaha

Make Your Own Havaianas 2008 flip-flops it’s way to Cagayan de Oro City

Calling out to all ye havaianaticos. One of our favorite Havaianas events is here once again! Nothing is better in this world than having something custom-made just for you. Come out with your own wacky, trendy and signature flip flops design. I attended the last MYOH event last year and definitely had a blast going through all the available materials and mixing and matching all the parts of my favorite flip flops brand.

See you on October 17-19 2008 at the Atrium Limketkai Center and have fun creating your own, personalized Havaianas flip-flops!

My baby is now an MD

Ahhhhh happy happy joy joy! After years of seeing her nose stuck in a book (especially the book about anatomy and the human reproductive system hmmmm.....), my sister, Leigh, took the August 2008 Physicians board exam and passed! She was still in Cebu while we were waiting for the exam results and this is how our phone conversation went:

Honey: Hewooow Panot!

Leigh: TE!!! THE RESULTS ARE OUT!!!

Honey: Huh?!! Wait, let me open the site (hands trembling and barely hitting the right keys)

Leigh: Do you see it?

Honey: Wait! Wait! The results page server is crashing, I can't open the page!!

Leigh’s other phone rings and I can hear her talking to her friend and classmate Abigail:

Leigh: Hello Gail? Is it there? Is my name there?

Honey: (screaming) Ask for your name!!!

Leigh: Caragos? C A R A G O S?

Honey: (jumping up and down) IS YOUR NAME THERE??!! Weeeeeeee… IS IT?!! IS IT??!!

Leigh: (back to talking to me) My name’s in the list!!

Honey: Leilani?!! Is that an official list?!!!

Leigh: (calls Abigail again) Gail?? Is that really my name? Hehehehe .. Just making sure

Leigh: Te … it's really my name!

Honey: (Screaming … runs to mom and dad’s room) MAAAA!!!! PAAAAA!!!!

Honey: (hands phone to mom and calmly says) Ahem ….. Talk to the DOCTOR!

For days, I could barely sleep as we were waiting for the results to come out. On day 3 after her last exam, I was checking on the net every hour on the hour for the results. I guess, the excitement has sprung out of the fact that I have seen how hard Leigh worked to get to this point and I know how important this is for as she has been dreaming of this very moment every since she was a kid.

When we would play our usual childhood games then, she would give me those “nips” chocolates as my “pills” (ohhhh so that’s why my sugar level is high ..hmmm) and would examine each and every family member with her plastic stethoscope. Her dream of becoming doctor was further fueled after our grandma, Lola Deling, passed away and was unrelenting in wanting to really finish what she started while she was an intern at the provincial hospital. Her decision was irrevocable and the best we could do was support her every step of the way.

We all cried out of sheer happiness when we heard the news. Dad, mom, ate Minnie, kuya Kurt and I. Hey, our baby is finally a doctor. We never had doubts about her passing the board as we knew she studied for it, she had the passion and she had so much faith and trust in the Lord for guidance and peace of mind.

Yeah, that ‘lil kid who fell off her bike and chipped off her tooth, the little kid who annoyed me day and night (and up to this point annoys me) by going to my room and saying “whatcha duin?,” that little kid who played Barbie and family computer games, the little kid who recited "if God should go on Strike" and "Boa Constrictor," our youngest sibling, is now starting her life as a professional. A “doctowa” as how our 2 year old niece, Carmi, would call her. She still has a long way to go and more hurdles to tackle but as what we always say it is “one step at a time” Next step … residency. Kaya mo yan Leigh!!!! We love you and we are so happy for you!!!

I want to be complete

That’s a nice advertising spiel by one multi-vitamin product here in the Philippines. Makes me think though, what can really make us think we’re complete? Who puts the imagery in our heads that if you don’t have that specific aspect in your life, you lack something? Here’s a rundown on what I have now that makes me say I’m complete:

Family

Friends

Faith

A job that I love

Good health

Laughter

Fine, I didn’t put a romantic relationship (yet) as part of the list. The “friends” part will take care of that eventually. *wink* Hihi. On a serious note, I did think that all was complete for me till one recent fateful day, I once again serendipitously found a piece in the puzzle of life that made me re-think my completeness as somehow, it feels that my day is no longer what it’s supposed to be without this one certain event to happen in my day. Too much of a mystery, you say? I’m just posting my mundane ramblings here. I’m just thankful for this new found “completeness.” I’d love to add this in my rundown above but … not just yet.

Happy Father’s Day Papa

A special post for my dad, of course. I would not be here if it were not for him (obviously) and so he deserves a spot in this blog of mine. Looking back, apart from a loving father, dad was a stern disciplinarian. There were times that I would shudder and my knees would buckle when I know he’s home from work as I knew then I did something bad. It was not because of the fear of the thought of punishment (and he did yes, but now I admit, I did deserve being punished for my “crimes”), but it was the fear of knowing that he’d be disappointed at me. I know how my father worked so hard to be where he is now and I knew it was because of his self-discipline that he has become the man he wanted to be and the man he is now.

Papa’s father died during the war when he was but 4 years old, leaving him, his two sisters and mother with their relatives in the province (country) and dad would tell me stories of how they survived from that devastating war. Without a man-of-the-house, he stepped up to help the family. Stories of him walking a far distance to the well to fetch gallons of water to carry and bring home or him working in a factory just to help the family would be told from time to time. He would tell us of the time that he had to help his mom pedal the sewing machine as his mom couldn’t do so as she constantly hemorrhaged due to an ailment and he would tell us about how his sisters did their share of helping the family as well. He told us how he worked and studied at the same time up until he graduated from the University of the Visayas. Life was tough for my dad and because of that, he promised himself that he would rise above to help his family more and be a good father in the future.

And so he fulfilled his promise to himself and to his family. Papa is a very loving husband and an absolutely great dad! I have no reasons to say life is unfair as he has paved the way for us, his children, in so many ways. Growing up, I used to think of how dad was so strict on us, his children. On how we had to be home before midnight (I used to call myself Cinderella), on how he would always wake us up early and be productive, on how he would tell me when he does not approve of any of my friends, or how he would tell us about having to finish our studies….oh and I would remember how he and mom would just widen their eyes and look at us sternly whenever they wanted us to do an oratorical piece at a party or on stage (of which I am so thankful for now because I know now it was my training for my work now, to be in front of people and to talk ….. a lot). He was right and up to now, he’s still right. I can’t thank him enough for all that he has taught me. “Work hard and never step on anybody’s foot”, that’s what he would constantly tell me. Papa also taught us the value of loving your family, of being together, of making sure that Sundays are spent with the family, of helping each other in times of distress. He’s pretty much placed a standard of what a husband and father should be (hmmmm…. that’s my other excuse *wink*)

I enjoy my breakfasts with dad (of which as a teenager then, I resented so much as it felt like listening to a litany) as he still talks about his past or his visions and I would listen to him and absorb every bit of motivation and inspiration I can get from him. I also now enjoy life's little pleasures of him asking me to cut his fingernails and toenails, baking him his favorite bread on weekends or accompanying him and mom in watching a movie. It's my turn to do those for them now and I'm thankful for the opportunity given to me to do so.

With him and mom, they gave us, their children, our education (of which dad has constantly taught us that it’s something that nobody could ever take away from us and that we should not take for granted), we have always had a roof over our heads, food on our table (again ….. OBVIOUSLY) and they gave us so many wonderful experiences in life through travels, art and culture and have broadened our horizons in so many ways.

That's me at my dad's office, sitting on his chair and imagining I'd be working like him someday (wehehehehe)

Although, my dad doesn’t know I write blogs (nor do I think he even knows how to open my blog), I still want to tell the world how a great father he is so I’m saying here … HAPPY FATHER’S DAY DAD, THANK YOU AND I LOVE YOU!

From your sexiest, smartest, prettiest and coolest daughter,

Honey

PS. I have a feeling my sisters are going to get me for saying that last line …. hahahahaha…. Peace Ate Minnie … Peace Leigh …... Kuya Kurt, come to my rescue ….. heeeyulp!